turkey lurkey doo!

The Thanksgiving Song

by

Adam Sandler

Love to eat turkey 'Cause it's good

Love to eat turkey Like a good boy should

Turkey for me Turkey for you

Let's eat the turkey In my big brown shoe

Love to eat the turkey At the table

I once saw a movie With Betty Grable

Eat that turkey All night long

Fifty million Elvis fans Can't be wrong

Turkey lurkey doo and Turkey lurkey dap

I eat that turkey Then I take a nap

Thanksgiving is a special night

Jimmy Walker used to say Dynomite

That's right Turkey with gravy and cranberry

Can't believe the Mets traded Darryl Strawberry

Turkey for you and Turkey for me

Can't believe Tyson Gave that girl V.D.

White meat, dark meat You just can't lose

I fell off my moped And I got a bruise

Turkey in the oven And the buns in the toaster

I'll never take down My Cheryl Tiegs poster

Wrap the turkey up In aluminum foil

My brother likes to masturbate With baby oil

Turkey and sweet potato pie

Sammy Davis Jr. Only had one eye

Turkey for the girls and Turkey for the boys

My favorite kind of pants Are corduroys

Gobble gobble goo and Gobble gobble gickel

I wish turkey Only cost a nickel

Oh I love turkey on Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everybody!

ouch

I try to be a student of parenting. I think being a Mother is sort of nifty and I have never stopped learning and trying to be better at what I do. I think I have created a very emotionally healthy home for my family, which is saying a lot considering the family history on both sides. I believe in preparing kids for big events. I like to give them enough information to help them understand what's coming, but I keep it at their age level and only give them enough to be beneficial and not overload them with facts. Last week it was our annual trek to the Youth Clinic for flu shots. Yes, I'm big on car seats, immunizations, vitamins and whatever other preventive measures society comes up with to keep the kids safe and healthy. Our Clinic hosted several evenings of flu shots and allowed entire families to come and get that protection. Well, there are six of us, so an event like that is kind of a big deal. Shots are always a big deal all by themselves, but this had the makings of a debacle of the highest order. So I prepared. Weeks out I told them we were all going to go to the doctor. Later I included that sometimes people get really sick from flu. Getting closer I explained we would all be getting shots together. I let them decide the order in which we would get our shots, feeling this would give them some control over the situation. I knew from experience that these clinics are very popular and actually sort of fun in a "we're all in this together" sort of way. And, like I said, entire families come in to have this done so there are lots of people we know there every year.

Sandwich approach: Fun! Friends! shot. Ice cream!

On the evening of the clinic, we got in line early, but were still about 100 people back in the line. Kids are being kids and running around. People are wandering around to see who's there. We go in when the doors open and the line of people snakes around and through the clinic. It's very crowded, but a lighthearted atmosphere. I check on the kids, they are in great shape. They see their friends, confirm that they are all getting the dreaded flu shot and all is well. When we are called into the exam room made for a doctor, a little patient and a parent, there is little room to move around with 3 full sized adults and four littler guys, this only adds to the funniness of the situation. The nurse came in and said the clinic was going really well and she hadn't had a single child cry! Hooray! We lined up in order of size, which was also the order of age from oldest to youngest and rolled up our sleeves. Okay, flu shots do hurt, but we put on brave faces and didn't let any grimaces mar our expressions. Four shots down and the two littlest are left. They are little enough that the nurse had them lay on the exam table. Uh oh, I didn't plan on that. Then she asks us to hold their hands while she held their legs because they are getting their shots in the leg, unlike the rest of us. Things went so. far. downhill. from there. We broke her streak of happy children and probably scarred those waiting for life. My kids screamed like I've never heard. They've had shots before and the crying that would sometimes happen would quickly end when we would pick them up and give them some love. Not this time. They yelled so loud and for so long, the nurse was biting her lip and I assume, chanting a silent mantra. Afterward, no amount of love or kind words would calm them down, they were so gone. The nurse told us to stay in the exam room as long as we needed. It was 30 minutes before we dared to open the door and run to the car. I can't start analyzing what went wrong now or I'll just open up every parenting decision I've ever made to study and I'll never sleep again, and we can't have that.

Your Mom is on America's Most Wanted

Okay folks, Saturday, November 11 is the big debut of my Mom's AMW episode! It's a big deal because it is their oldest case to ever be solved. My Mom is the little old lady they interview about the whole story. She's cute, but tough. She used to be a deputy sheriff which was fascinating when I was in high school. Once in awhile she would warn me which keggers were going to be "busted" and sometimes not. One time her co-workers found me hiding in a rolled-up carpet at a high school party. When they unrolled and recognized me they said, "Oh s***! It's Corky's daughter!" They decided taking me straight to her was worse punishment than taking me to jail; they were right. If I hadn't become an adult and gone away to college, I would still be grounded.

Poor Freddy

You remember my kindergarten age son, L'il Freddy? The poor guy gets migraine headaches. He gets them from me, but his are much worse than mine. Mine involve a mild headache and a disco's worth of flashing lights in my eyes. He gets a terrible headache, light sensitivity and throwing up, followed by sleep and feeling much better when he wakes up. Last night in the midst of an episode, I was talking to Fred as he hid under a blanket where it was dark. I told him he didn't have to go to school today if he didn't feel well. We had a perfect Scarlett O'Hara, post rotten veggie, crawling in the field moment when he lifted the blanket enough so I could see his face and he said emphatically, "No Mom. I have to go to school. I want to learn!" and then collapsed back on the couch. My God, I'm in love.

Tic tacs: GOOD, tic tac toe: BAD

Have you seen this ad? I shriek everytime I see it. Call me repressed, but it gives me the screaming creeps. Do you really want to play tic-tac-toe in somebody else's breath fog? Or your own for that matter? Don't get me wrong, I am nothing but happy that this sweet Grandma lady has enough lung capacity to produce the steam with which to play with her (I assume) grandson. Change the subjects to oh, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Two people most of us would call fabulous in a certain way. Do you want to play games in either of their mist? You do? Oh, I don't.